Dear Mr. Bloom,

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Dear Mr. Bloom,

I recently came across a promotional READ poster in which you sit, looking gorgeous as usual, with your arms wrapped around a closed book. At the bottom of this poster it reads: “ORLANDO BLOOM @ your library.” Now, as you can imagine, I immediately hopped into my automobile and drove to my nearest library. I searched everywhere in the building to find you, but you could not be located. I even inquired at the reference desk, but the librarians were of no use and just kept pointing me to the DVD collection thinking I wanted to watch Lord of the Rings or Pirates of the Caribbean.

Needless to say, I returned home, quite distraught over not being able to find you at my library and, in my depression, a voice of reason called out to me. A voice that quite clearly stated that I should sue for false advertising. And so, Mr. Bloom, this letter is to inform you that you shall soon be hearing from my lawyers unless you decide to fulfill your promise and move into my library immediately. I look forward to seeing you, in my library or in court.

With all my love,

Briana